I have a habit of texting and emailing my husband, and mom, at random times in the night (technically, early morning). Sometimes, I just want someone to talk to. More often than not, I’m whining, complaining, crying Poor Me and trying to prove to them why I’m going batshitcrazy from lack of sleep. And yes, I can be a bit over-dramatic. And yes, we have tried everything. And no, the baby will not let Daddy help soothe him back to sleep. If you have a baby, toddler or child that has irregular sleep patterns or constant night wakings, you are welcome to laugh with me. Chances are, you too have tried everything, you just might be inwardly (or outwardly, like me) a smidge over-dramatic and? you get it. If your kid sleeps like an angel? well, let’s just say I envy you.
Here are some actual text messages and emails that I have sent, for your enjoyment.
January 1, 2011 (email to my mom)
1:23 AM: Baby is up I can’t tell if he’s in pain or having nightmares Don’t know if I’ll make it out there by 10 AM. Well see (why doesn’t the auto correct ever change well to we’ll?!)
I’m so effing tired (yes I typed effing) I just want to go to bed! Thank god I didn’t drink tonight (New Years Eve) or I would be sorry tomorrow.
Can you tell I’m bored?
Happy New Year!
You’re the best!
Sent from my iPhone
January 1, 2011 (email to my husband, this is almost embarrassing, almost)
3:08 AM: I hope ur not hearing this and please don’t complain about not sleeping in
its 3 my throat hurts and ive slept 1 hour!
Sent from my iPhone
(he moved downstairs to sleep cause it was that bad. My translation= I was being NICE, hoping he wasn’t be woken up by the crying. He had said before bed that he was hoping to sleep in… I was cursing those words at 3:08 AM. I was also telling him about my physical pains and summing it all up with the fact that I had 1 hour of sleep under my belt. Read: Not thinking clearly.)
December 25, 2010 (text to my husband, he was still up watching TV)
12:33 AM: Tonights going to suck
12: 34 AM (Him): what can i do to help? do you want me up there?
12:34 AM: I don’t know what to do
December 22, 2101 (over-dramatic texting at it’s finest)
1:36 AM: here we go…
2:45 AM: I’m loosing my marbles
4:55 AM: I give up
6:05 AM: Don’t move an inch or make any noise, he’s asleep.
7:38 AM: Please can u reschedule? please (he had a car appointment)
December 10, 2010 (text to my husband as I sat in the glider, alone, dreaming of sleep and alcohol, apparently)
5:11 AM: I swear to god the amount of time I spend trying to get this kid to sleep is insane!
5:12 AM: He’s looney tunes he’s so tired
5:13 AM: I need a margarita
December 8, 2010 (whine, whine, whine… text to my husband)
2:11 AM: Can u help in the am?
2:45 AM: %$*(#$@&^
4:14 AM: You know, he’d be the world’s perfect baby if he could just SLEEP
7:54 AM: he’s up
December 5, 2010 (text to my husband, I probably fell asleep in the glider hence the lack of 3AM text messages)
8:29 AM: is there coffee?
PS My husband turns his phone off at night.
PPS I have since installed Angry Birds on my iPhone and take all my aggression out on little green pigs with cement helmets on.