I have a habit of texting and emailing my husband, and mom, at random times in the night (technically, early morning). Sometimes, I just want someone to talk to. More often than not, I’m whining, complaining, crying Poor Me and trying to prove to them why I’m going batshitcrazy from lack of sleep. And yes, I can be a bit over-dramatic. And yes, we have tried everything. And no, the baby will not let Daddy help soothe him back to sleep. If you have a baby, toddler or child that has irregular sleep patterns or constant night wakings, you are welcome to laugh with me. Chances are, you too have tried everything, you just might be inwardly (or outwardly, like me) a smidge over-dramatic and? you get it. If your kid sleeps like an angel? well, let’s just say I envy you.
Here are some actual text messages and emails that I have sent, for your enjoyment.
January 1, 2011 (email to my mom)
1:23 AM: Baby is up I can’t tell if he’s in pain or having nightmares 
Don’t know if I’ll make it out there by 10 AM. Well see (why doesn’t the auto correct ever change well to we’ll?!)
I’m so effing tired (yes I typed effing) I just want to go to bed! Thank god I didn’t drink tonight (New Years Eve) or I would be sorry tomorrow.
Can you tell I’m bored?
Love you!
Happy New Year!
You’re the best!
Sent from my iPhone
January 1, 2011 (email to my husband, this is almost embarrassing, almost)
3:08 AM: I hope ur not hearing this and please don’t complain about not sleeping in
its 3 my throat hurts and ive slept 1 hour!
Sent from my iPhone
(he moved downstairs to sleep cause it was that bad. My translation= I was being NICE, hoping he wasn’t be woken up by the crying. He had said before bed that he was hoping to sleep in… I was cursing those words at 3:08 AM. I was also telling him about my physical pains and summing it all up with the fact that I had 1 hour of sleep under my belt. Read: Not thinking clearly.)
December 25, 2010 (text to my husband, he was still up watching TV)
12:33 AM: Tonights going to suck
12: 34 AM (Him): what can i do to help? do you want me up there?
12:34 AM: I don’t know what to do
December 22, 2101 (over-dramatic texting at it’s finest)
1:36 AM: here we go…
2:45 AM: I’m loosing my marbles
4:55 AM: I give up
6:05 AM: Don’t move an inch or make any noise, he’s asleep.
7:38 AM: Please can u reschedule? please (he had a car appointment)
December 10, 2010 (text to my husband as I sat in the glider, alone, dreaming of sleep and alcohol, apparently)
5:11 AM: I swear to god the amount of time I spend trying to get this kid to sleep is insane!
5:12 AM: He’s looney tunes he’s so tired
5:13 AM: I need a margarita
December 8, 2010 (whine, whine, whine… text to my husband)
2:11 AM: Can u help in the am?
2:45 AM: %$*(#$@&^
4:14 AM: You know, he’d be the world’s perfect baby if he could just SLEEP
7:54 AM: he’s up
December 5, 2010 (text to my husband, I probably fell asleep in the glider hence the lack of 3AM text messages)
8:29 AM: is there coffee?
PS My husband turns his phone off at night.
PPS I have since installed Angry Birds on my iPhone and take all my aggression out on little green pigs with cement helmets on.
Christina is a coffee drinking mom of three boys (with a fourth boy due in June 2013). She is also a go-to national Parenting/Pregnancy Resource, Certified Child Passenger Safety Technician and Baby Gear Expert online, in person and on San Diego TV News.
Christina leverages her adventures in parenting, her experience as a trained Montessori teacher and knowledge of children's products and trends to inform her expert reviews, experienced product feedback, guest columns and insightful live television segments.
I am literally laughing out loud! it's funny because it's true. I can totally relate.
also, love the line at the end that your husband turns off his phone!
Sorry you can't get any sleep but I must admit those were some pretty hilarious texts especially the one with you wanting a margarita at 5:13 in the morning. Lmao that his phone is off.
It'll drive you mad, I know this. However, we were able to get our daughter to sleep the night after one week of letting her "cry it out." It was a painful week, maybe closer to 2 weeks (we checked in on her every 15 min until she fell asleep), and it would often last 2 to 3 hours. BUT, she is really good now about falling asleep on her own at around 8:30 and sleeping until around 7-8am. That saved our sanity. You know what helped? Setting any piece of clothing my wife wore that day next to her. The scent of mom totally calmed her down. Of course, we'd remove it after she fell asleep so she wouldn't get tangled in it. Maybe try that? I hope something works for you. I know how insane that can be!
whoa. You know what is the best part about having a constant waker? You find the humor in it
little dude is too busy to sleep, he has two.. scratch that… THREE big boys he has to keep up with! xoxo
Oy. I'm tired for you.
Ugh, baby sleep is the worst. I remember wanting to punch a lady when she said the phrase "sleep like a baby"
Can totally relate! And, the title of this post almost made me pee.