The Untolds

I sat and quietly laughed this afternoon as I reflected back on a few aspects of Motherhood. Things that some people casually mention, or don’t talk about at all- for some reason. It’s not until I, being the loudmouth and over-sharer that I am, start talking about these things and then I get these: Ohmygod, you too?! I’m so glad I’m not alone! or Amen, sistah!

For instance…

  • Patting your child’s back as they drift off to sleep in their crib will cause your knees to lock, your thighs to burn and if you are shushing them while hanging over the side? You will droll all over the place.
  • I don’t know if this goes for every child out there but it does for all three of my children. I cannot let my kids catnap in the car. If they do? even if it’s 5 minutes, they get a second wind and it screws up nap time all together. I need nap time, my friends. I need to regroup, work, eat my first meal of the day and play around on Twitter. Because of this, I end up looking like a crazy person in the car. I sing at the top of my lungs, beg my oldest to play peek-a-boo with a baby that’s about to nod-off (and get mad at him when he’s not “doing his job”), roll the windows up and down 15 million times, toss empty water bottles, magazines, or whatever else is next to me, in to the car seat… anything to keep them awake. Of course I only sing while actually in motion so it’s at each stoplight that the real craziness comes out. Then, I have an audience of cars next to and behind me. I’ve caught people laughing at me. Dead serious.
  • For all things good and holy, do your Kegels.  Do them the second you get pregnant, do them for years after you give birth, do them while you are drinking your coffee or tea, do them while you are watching TV, working, working out, heck, just do them! That way, when your sitting on the floor laughing with your kids, you wont pee your pants.
  • Handle pumped breast milk like it’s gold. After you sit and pump your brains out for, what feel like days, only to spill it all? You will cry. And your husband will think you’re crazy for crying over spilt (breast) milk.
  • Buy stock in hand lotion. I can’t even begin to count how many times I wash my hands on a daily basis. 8 years of changing diapers, picking up half-chewed snacks, fishing nasty things out of my kids mouth, moving unsanitary objects from the view of my toddler, touching grocery carts, and squirting hand sanitizer every two seconds- my hands look at least 80. No offense, Nana.
  • Don’t spend a ton of money on furniture and then get mad when junior pees, poops, pukes, slimes and breaks it. It’s not worth your energy and all of the above will happen. I refuse to get new furniture until my kids are much older. And I’ve come to grips that my couch is an embarrassment.
  • Know of every drive-thru and curbside service within a 20-mile radius. Save your sanity and prevent unnecessary meltdowns.

I’m sure I could go on and on but I need to eat lunch, at 3:00pm.

What are some you’d like to share?


  1. 1

    Never leave home without snacks. Or a change of clothes.

    Oh, and some for the kid too ;-)

  2. 2

    That's a good one! I stocked my glove box with breast pads and have a bin of extra clothes, jackets, diapers, toys and blankets.

  3. 3

    Love this post! Couldn't agree more! So funny about the kegels! I was at dinner with girlfriends and the subject came up (laughing, sneezing, peeing!) Two of my girlfriends that had c-sections thought we were joking. Nope!

  4. 4

    I find it funny that two Ginger's are commenting. :)

    The nap thing drives me bananas. It can ruin our day. And nobody but breastfeeding moms understand the spilled milk thing!

    I'd probably add something about just getting over the gross-ness of bodily fluids. You WILL have to deal with them and eventually something gross will get on you. And that couch.

  5. 5
    Semper Fi Momma says:

    Reading your post was like reading a page out of my life. Oh how I really did cry after pumping 6oz of breast milk just to spill it knowing I was going to need it in a couple of hours so my husband could feed and I could get some sleep. But with my son, and the girls I pumped like crazy so that I would always have a good stockpile if ever I needed it.

    Tip? Be prepared for mastitis. A lot of doctor now will give you a prescription for antibiotics (even if it's just 4 pills) as a preemptive strike against the maybe. Because mastitis sucks. It's horrible.

    And I get you on the couch. Mine has definitely been kid tested, and I know I've got at least another 5 years before I can get a new one. LOL

  6. 6
    Christina says:

    Andrea- they didn't do them while pregnant? Being pregnant three times didn't help either ;)

    Ginger(2)- haha! People probably think I'm crazy when I say I have to get going or else my kid won't nap. Ah well. Oh yes! Bodily fluids, blood, boogers, the whole 9.

    SFM- I would cry for you! It really is one of the most awful things- spilling pumped milk.
    Mastitis, oh boy. I got the chills. I wrote a few posts about that monster.

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