He Has A Plan.

From the very beginning, this child has had a mind of his own. He was not planned but he had a plan, a big plan. I’ve also learned that he fancies taking his sweet time figuring out the minute details of his grandiose plan and, in turn, tests my patience to the max along the way. This child was brought to me to make me stronger- as a person, as a mother, as a wife, as a voice… I could go on and on. And I’m just now seeing how he has altered and enhanced my life… 3.5 years later.

He taught me to slow down when I was put on full bed rest at just 22-weeks pregnant. Which then became a simple reminder to focus more on family and showed me who was there for me during a time when I felt vulnerable, guilty, helpless and emotionally weak.

He taught me to listen to my body when I went into false labor with him at 36 weeks. When to look at my husband and my mother and utter the words “something just isn’t right“. He taught me that no matter how uncomfortable I may be, waiting is always the best answer. And he was so right. He also taught me that I can birth a baby over 7 pounds. (that’s another story).

He taught me to listen to my intuition, take it seriously and to never doubt myself as a mother. At 4 days old I knew something wasn’t right; I knew the doctor was wrong for not testing his bilirubin levels the day before. I will never forget the fear that came over my entire body when the on-call doctor called my cell phone and made me wait at the lab for immediate instructions on admitting him to the NICU.

He taught me that things could be worse and to be grateful for health. Even though it was just a severe case of neonatal jaundice, I remember feeling like the world was going to end. Partially because I’m dramatic, partially because those dang postpartum hormones are brutal, partially because I just wanted to bring one of my babies home with me- basically, I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to put the past behind me, never hear the word jaundice ever again, and just snuggle my new baby at home, not from an isolette every 3 hours for 15-20 minutes.

He taught me that not all babies fall asleep in the car. He has since taught me that not all kids nap in the car (or even nod off in the car after a long day at Disneyland) (I know! right?!).

He taught me that not every baby is the same. Just because his older brother could sleep and nurse on the go, it sure doesn’t mean that every baby (him) will do the same.

He taught me how to plan my day around feedings, naps and the 6:00PM Witching Hour.

He taught me that not all kids hit, bite, spit, and/or throw themselves on the floor as a form of a temper tantrum. Oh no. He had to one-up 90% of all the children out there. His choice of tantrum? High. Pitch. Screaming.

He also taught me that it is possible to have a migraine every day for 6 months straight. With a newborn baby brother in the middle of it all.

He taught me to, once again, slow down and listen to his unspoken voice. No matter what kind of day I’m having, no matter how frustrated his actions make me, he is teaching me to think before I speak.

He taught me that he will show us when he’s ready for changes and that not everyone accepts changes in a positive way, all the time.

He taught me that everything is not always as it appears. Sometimes I think he’s behind for his age (weight, height, vocabulary, comprehension) and then, like today, he “reads” me the entire Green Eggs and Ham book. (and by read I mean he has actually listened to me and memorized the entire book in the past week or so).

He has taught me so much in the short time he’s been here and I look forward to what this amazing child has in store and what I will learn along the way. Because you know that saying “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”? I’ve had many of moments where I thought this child was going to be the end of me and then he reads me Green Eggs and Ham and I become putty in his little hands and start bawling like a baby.

He challenges me to my limit and amazes me to my core.

I mean who couldn’t love that face?